Liveline, Laugh, Love: Irish Wish, Twink, & GI Joe
Joe Duffy's most dazzling and demented moments, curated for you
Hello girls, it’s me, coming to you with a long overdue instalment of Liveline, Laugh, Love. It’s been some time since we last had a Duffy parley, but a euphoric experience in town has left me with no choice but to recommence this segment.
The other day I was in the city centre looking particularly hagged out – was only in to exchange a pair of lilac crocs for the bigger size and did not get dolled up for the occasion – and I had to traverse the city’s so-called ‘creative quarter.’ You know where I mean, the street where you always run into the love of your life or the person you fear the most. All mortals tread those pavements nervously unless surrounded by a gaggle of gorgeous friends, and being both alone and ugly that day, it would have been only natural to feel more than a little trepidation.
But that day, against all odds, I was swimming in confidence throughout my expedition. Why? I was listening to Liveline at the time. Joe was in a great mood and I was smiling back to my two ears as I listened to his giggle. I was thinking to myself: this would be a perfect time to run into an enemy. Any nemesis would see that even on my most hideous day I am glowing from within due to irrepressible joy. This glow I owe to Joe, and more grateful I could not be. And so I decided that I must once again spread the gospel of Joe and the joy He brings. Let’s begin.
Irish Wish
Imagine my delight when I opened my Spotify app, looked at the Liveline lineup for the day, and saw a whole episode dedicated to defending Lindsay Lohan's Irish Wish against snobby critics. I watched the film the day it was released and was (predictably) enthralled from start to finish – a film starring the ginger actress, script clearly generated using early-stage AI, allegedly set in Ireland but evidently filmed on the set of the Ceebeebie’s Fimbles – what more could a girl want? A Joe Duffy postmortem on the cinematic experience, that's what.
Joe did not disappoint in his analysis. Could not narrow it down to just one highlight, so here are my top two moments from the episode.
Irish Wish vs Lunacy
Taking an abstract angle, he explained that we should all watch Irish Wish because 1) Netflix is expensive, 2) there's nothing on it, and 3) it's a lot better than The Beekeeper (an Amazon prime movie) which Joe thinks is for lunatics. He does not elaborate on why The Beekeeper is for lunatics OR why the beekeeper’s lunacy is a reason to watch Irish Wish. As you can tell from this clip, however, Joe feels pretty strongly about the Beekeeper Vs Irish Wish rivalry.
Though the competition seems fruitless and unproductive, I do understand Joe’s instinctive need to pit one thing against the other for no reason other than needless drama – after all, I was a diehard Katy Kat in the Roar vs Applause wars of 2013, and those were some of the most invigorating months of my life.
Liveline 4 Lindsay
Joe took a moment to express explicit support and admiration for Lindsay Lohan. At first, I thought he was just in a gossip-y mood, as he said to his caller, apropos of nothing: “Lindsay Lohan has been through the mill, hasn’t she?
It soon became clear, however, that he wished to highlight Lindsay’s resilience, talent, and success. In Joe’s view, Irish Wish is evidence that Lindsay is currently at the absolute peak of her career. Discerning feminist king supporting a legend. Listen to ally Joe speak his truth.
Adele (English Songstress) Vs Adele (Twink)
Once again embodying the spirit of 2013’s Katy Kats and Little Monsters, Joe somehow managed to pit Adele (Tottenham-born tearjerker) against Adele (Twink: Queen of RTE and famous loser of dogs) during a conversation about running-induced nausea.
A woman rang in to complain about vomiting after running races. Frankly I think she was mostly calling in to brag, she kept telling Joe about her perfect physical condition and bafflement at the post-run vomiting, obviously not baring in mind the listeners (me) who think it’s perfectly normal to be nauseous after light exercise.
Anyway, when Joe was advising her on her puke problem, he drew on the experiences of British ballad behemoth Adele, claiming that she vomits “quite a lot” before performances. He could not mention Adele, however, without assuring listeners that Twink is the only Adele he cares about. He has room in his life for one Adele only. Other Adele means nothing to him.
He also pulled off a final Adele drive-by, performing Lionel Richie’s “Hello” when attempting to perform the vocalist’s 2015 hit.
Exactly like when Kylie Minogue destroyed Kylie Jenner’s attempt to trademark the word “Kylie,” Joe was doing important work here in protecting the name and fame of an older lady legend against a younger, trendier girl. Thank you, Joe.
All American Joe
As many of you will know, my favourite thing in the whole world is Joe doing his crazy little American accent. It is impossible to predict when Joe will implement his GI Joe alter-ego. That’s what keeps it so interesting. Yes, we can predict that at least once a week, he’ll deliver the word ‘Liveline’ as ‘Laaaaaveline’ (a recent example attached below for reference), but the rest is a total lottery. It’s my life’s mission to understand what triggers All American Joe.
This week, he whipped out ‘surpraaaaaise, surpraaaaise’ in an American drawl when he learned that a famous Irish scammer (Niall Minogue of Agri People Global, who is an affront to an otherwise perfect surname) had failed to pay back one of his victims. Hear the joy in his voice as he becomes All American Joe.
From our ‘surprise surprise’ example, perhaps we can glean that All American Joe is activated when he feels like a detective in a Hollywood movie? Will test this hypothesis in weeks to come and keep you in the loop.
To conclude…
I have to cut myself off as we are now approaching 1000 words of Liveline analysis and I don’t want to go information Joe-verload. Trust me when I say we are only scraping the surface here. I hope this time I have the good sense to continue my Joe analysis on a regular basis, as you deserve to be in the loop with what’s playing out on RTE1 every day.
Slüshie & the City’s Substack: What to Expect
For those confused by the change in both my name and my format, allow me to explain.
I am now Slüshie and the City simply to give myself some semblance of plausible deniability. I fear that one day I will slander start-up culture or go viral for a controversial opinion about Sabrina Carpenter or similar and I will wind up getting sacked. Publishing under my actual name only creates a petard from which to be hoisted.
Why Slüshie? Because Joe once tried to say “Rhubarb Slushie” when listing off various delicious vape flavours and instead said “Roobop Slüshie.” The mispronunciation sent me into Joe-verdrive. Too good. Audio is here, I really want you to hear it in his voice every time you read it.
Why are we doing this on email now? Because after years of people generously explaining to me that I should be on Substack instead of forcing readers to visit an ancient blogging site, I finally made the brave decision to Google it and absorb the information. Obviously I should’ve been doing this years ago.
What will I be publishing? Stuff about love and life and Liveline. My first instalment was meant to be about what we can all learn from Taylor’s new album but alas it is 14 hours long and garbled beyond comprehension. I need at least a week to distinguish the “songs” from each other before I can break down the significance of the album for us girls (though I do think, as my friend Geri pointed out this morning, that Taylor has signed her own death warrant with this one) ((and I say that with love)). I also hope to write about what Katy Perry’s return means for us (having a haircut that suits you really can change everything), what we need to do about Jojo Siwa (who is, in vibe and cultural stature, the new DJ Khaled), and the unfortunate rise of Maddy Morphosis lookalike Sabrina Carpenter.
😭 SURPRISE SURPRISE
I laughed out loud